Sad day

Last night I got home from work and max was almost acting like his normal cheery self, so I decided to bring him for a nice walk, especially since it was looking like it might be his last. We spent a good 30-40 minutes walking around the development my apartment is at, going through some little paths in the woods and just letting him have a good time. It was sad to see him not be able to smell things, but I think he still had fun. As soon as we got home, he pretty much made himself as comfortable as he could and tried taking a bit of a nap. I think he got pretty tired from all the walking.

Then later on that night, maybe around 11:30, he actually started to clear his nose, but you can tell it was really stuffed with something, I think maybe a blood clot, because after he tried that, things got pretty bad. I think his nose started to bleed down the back of his throat, and he kept kind of gagging and chokeing trying to swallow and breath probably at the same time. It was horrible to watch, and after maybe 20 minutes, we decided to head to my parents house to make the decision.

He seemed to stop the coughing/choking pretty much by the time we got to my parents, but his nose was still bleeding a good amount off and on, and he was still only breathing through his nose, and it just seemed like he couldn’t be comfortable like that. Eventually we decided that the best thing to do for everyone was to bring him to the animal hospital, see if they could clear up his nose, and if was only a temporary fix, or that they couldn’t do anything at all, we would have to put him to sleep.

We went to the animal hospital in Woburn, and I had to tell his complete medical history to at least 3 differant people, and the vet basically agreed with what Saugus Animal Hospital, and Angell Memorial had told us, which was that the only options left to even see what the problem was, was if he got a CT scan, possible an MRI, and possibly the Rhinoscopy. All of which would make him more uncomfortable, and the result of what they found probably wouldn’t be fixable. At best they could have made him a bit more comfortable for however long he made it.

So, as much as me not wanting it to be the one, I pretty much made the call to put him to sleep, and my father, brother, Aimee and I watched him fall asleep his one last time. It killed me to watch..my brother as well, and I still can’t help but feel like I failed at taking care of him. I can only hope wherever he is now, he is happy, breathing easily, and loving not having to take pills every day and get a shot every month. I hope he really did enjoy the almost 12 years I had with him as much as I did, and I hope he thinks I took better care of him, and was there for him more often than I think I did.

Max was a big part of my life, he was a great friend, and he was everything you could ever ask for in a “pet”. He was just as much a person to me as anyone else, and he will be sorely missed. I am just happy he left us with all of us with him, and although if I really tried, he probably could have lived a bit longer, at least it ended for him before he really started to be in pain.

Everything I see around me in my house or my car reminds me of him, and maybe one day I can replace all this guilt and sadness I feel with memories of all the love and joy we gave him, and all the fun times we had.

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